The Power to Break
by conventgirlvampire
Summary: Karma has the power to break her, but she never would have thought that she would be the one to break her best friend.
1. Prologue

**Title:** The Power to Break

**Chapter:** 0

**Characters/Pairings:** Karma Ashcroft, Amy Raudenfeld, Lauren Cooper, Shane Harvey, Jasmine, Felicity Strait; Karmy, Amy/OC, mentions of Kiam and other ships.

**Word Count:** 1,289

**Spoilers:** References up to "Remember the Croquembouche".

**Summary:** Karma has the power to break her, but she never would have thought that she would be the one to break her best friend.

**A/N:** Right, so this is what happens when I get into an MTV show. It's kind of crap but, at the same time, it's the kind of crap that I get addicted to very easily and I'm way too invested in Amy at this point to let it go. (I actually do like the show) Anyway, I'll be alternating POVs between Karma and Amy throughout the fic but never for anything shorter than the length of a chapter. You'll know who's POV is where though. Cross-posted on tumblr (intheforestofthenight) and AO3 (Dark_Writer).

**Original prompt:** volkrage tumblr com/post/85921929129/suchanabsentlove-i-really-want-to-read-a-fic (replace space with full-stop)

**Disclaimer:** I don't own _Faking It_. All rights belong to MTV and Carter Covington. The only thing that belongs to me is the character Felicity Strait.

* * *

**Prologue**

She was haunted by visions of Karma in her dreams, haunted by the desire for something that was not real, not tangible except in the dark when she was alone. She tried to repress these, to hide them away from even herself, but she could not deny that that kiss had shifted something in her, had brought to the front something that she had not even known she was capable of being.

After a while, it became pathetic, to the point that even Lauren had noticed that maybe she had not been pretending as much as she would like the world to believe that she was. Her step-sister was crass about it at first, in the way that only she could be crass without actually sounding like it, but then she stopped the insults, stopped the hate-filled words. Even she could not deliver the final blow when Amy was down.

Only Karma could do that. She was the only one who ever really could and it hurt so much for her to realise that.

Maybe that was why, in the end, she decided to move on, to give someone else that kind of power willingly and without reservation. Karma was never going to love her back, was never going to want to be with her in the same way that she wanted her to be.

In the end, that was all that seemed to matter before everything came crashing down.

* * *

"I don't understand. I know why I'm here but why is Miss Tacky Texas here?"

Amy rolled her eyes but did not answer Shane as she attempted to see over the crowd in order to find Jasmine. The other girl had yet to arrive but she was holding onto the hope that whenever she actually got there, for her sanity's sake it would be soon.

"Please, as if I would want to be caught dead at the same table with you."

"Shut up," Amy hissed, sighing in relief when she caught the purple of Jasmine's hat. "If you both don't stop fighting, I'm-"

"You're what?"

"Trying to control the children over here," Amy replied as Jasmine finally reached their table, standing up to greet the girl. "I didn't think you'd come."

"I was serious about calling me, although I kind of have a girlfriend now and it seems like you might too."

For a moment she was confused until she noticed the way Jasmine was staring at Lauren. Grimacing, Lauren just shook her head with a bitter laugh.

"She wishes, but no. Little miss lesbo here decided to move on from her fake girlfriend but she doesn't know how."

"I can speak for myself, thanks much Satan. I just…I don't know where to start."

"Well, how about online dating?"

Amy scowled at the suggestion, her last attempt flashing before her as she tried not to remember just how embarrassing it had been for all parties involved. Jasmine, sensing this and, perhaps, recalling it as well quickly moved on.

"What about here?"

Shane scoffed at that.

"The last time I brought Amy here, it was both painful and hilarious. I don't think we want to inflict that kind of torture on the general public again."

"Wait, you brought Amy here before? The same girl who doesn't like to leave her room unless Karma's involved?"

He shrugged, Lauren's question causing him to quirk his lips up a bit before stifling the smile that had threatened to burst out. "What can I say? I can do a lot but clearly I can't work magic."

Jasmine, however, seemed to have no qualms about laughing, giggling to Amy's immediate displeasure. Pouting in the girl's direction, she huffed and stood up.

"Well, if you three are going to continue laughing at me, I'll be over by the counter getting another one of these smoothie things."

Walking away from the group was not necessary but she needed room to breathe, to process that this was finally happening. She needed to get away from the ghost that was Karma, forever haunting her even when she was not there. It was something she was actively working on now but still, that voice in the back of her head would whisper to her, telling her that she just needed to come clean, confess and let fate have its way with her.

She handed the empty cup over to the barista and waited, eyes closed. She was an idiot for letting her feelings for Karma get this far but something about it just felt so right. It had both ruined her and built her up, breaking her down in order to reconstruct her from the basest element to create a new version of her that was learning, growing.

At least, that was what it seemed like whenever she thought about it. It was not often that she would let herself think, however, too scared of what she might discover next. She did not want to leave the comfort of what she shared with her best friend but it was killing her slowly, eating its way from the inside until everything around her was being poisoned by it.

She could not let that happened, not after what had happened with her mother, with Lauren. She needed to do something before the explosion grew and grew until it had no choice but to expand beyond herself and her immediate life to everything else that she touched.

It was becoming too much too fast, too soon and she did not know how to handle it. She could not go to Karma with this and yet, the others did not understand, did not see what it was doing to her to have to physically hold in the words and the contexts she wanted to scream out loud for the world to hear simply because doing so had tired her out and broken her restraint.

She had long since accepted that she was too obvious about her feelings, too clear to everyone but Karma about what was going on in her heart. It hurt that she did not see it, did not see exactly what she had been doing to Amy and she could not let this continue, would not let it, continue.

She needed a clean break, needed to get away from the confusion that her fake relationship created and this time, she was willing to try, willing to do this for her and not simply to forget the girl who had been the root of it all.

She could never forget so easily, of course. Karma was too engrained in her life, too much a part of her to forget, but she needed to move on, to leave this first love – was it even really love or was it something else; a realisation, perhaps – and find someone she could truly be happy with.

"Hey, you coming back to us or are you going to stand here all day, Raudenfeld?"

Amy jumped a little at the closeness of Jasmine's voice but managed to control most of her reaction. She had been so lost in thought that she had not even seen her approach and that bothered her.

"I…sorry. I was just caught up, thinking. You know?"

"I do know but you have to let it go sometime, right?"

"Yeah, I guess."

The barista called out to her and Amy turned to grab her drink, bumping into someone along the way.

"I'm so sorry," she said, moving to help the other person – a pretty brunette with black eyes – up. "I didn't see you there."

"It's fine. Stuff happens, yeah? I'm Felicity."

A smile curved her lips as she held Felicity's hand in a loose hold now that they were both standing.

"Amy. My name's Amy."


	2. End of the Truth

**Title:** The Power to Break

**Chapter:** 1

**Characters/Pairings:** Karma Ashcroft, Amy Raudenfeld, Lauren Cooper, Shane Harvey, Jasmine, Felicity Strait; Karmy, Amy/OC, mentions of Kiam and other ships.

**Word Count:** 1,536

**Spoilers:** References up to "Remember the Croquembouche".

**Summary:** Karma has the power to break her, but she never would have thought that she would be the one to break her best friend.

**A/N:** Sorry for the wait. Life kind of distracted me and I didn't want to write this when I wasn't in a good frame of mind. Chapters are going to gradually get longer for this as I get into the story. Cross-posted on (conventgirlvampire) and AO3 (Dark_Writer).

**See prologue for prompt.**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own _Faking It_. All rights belong to MTV and Carter Covington. The only thing that belongs to me is the character Felicity Strait.

* * *

**Chapter One**

**End of the Truth**

"Are you going somewhere?"

Amy jumped in surprise, turning to face Karma as she stood in her doorway. Her expression was strange, a mixture of guilt and something else that she could not understand, something a part of her refused to even acknowledge, but it was replaced by a smile. She knew that smile, knew it as well as she knew everything about Amy, and the warmth it brought was always familiar, always comforting, safe.

"Yeah," she said, discarding the shirt she had been holding before picking out something else from her closet. "I've got –"

"– to be kidding me. That shirt's all wrong." Lauren pushed past her as she entered, hands on her hips as she looked Amy up and down. "You need to wear something different, no food and definitely no ripped jeans. You look good in black so go with that undershirt while I look through your closet for something decent."

"What's going on?"

She was confused. Lauren did not even like Amy, let alone want to help her with anything, and yet, here she was going through the girl's closet and helping her get ready for something that she herself knew nothing about. Something was up and Karma did not like the way Amy seemed not to care that she did not know.

In fact, if it had not been for the way the other girl lit up so much as she and Lauren argued, Karma might have pushed for an explanation. As it was, she had not seen Amy so happy in such a long time and she was loath to do anything that might cause her to retreat back into the shell she seemed to inhabit on a semi-permanent basis.

"Why not wear the blue and red shirt over the vest again? Shane texted me a picture of it and you did look really good like that."

"Karma, you're a genius!"

She awkwardly hugged Amy back when she threw herself at her, hands coming round to pat her on the back before she broke away to look for the shirt in question. Moving to sit on the bed, she watched as her best friend continued to get dressed and ready, wondering what the hell was going on.

"Right, so, I'll be back after ten," she was saying to Lauren, "and I need you to stall my mom until then."

"Why?"

"You've been around her. She's still trying to pretend that it's not happening."

"Uh-huh. Anyway, I'll do it but remember that you're doing my chores for the next month."

Both Karma and Amy rolled their eyes at that, waiting for Lauren to finally leave the room. Once the door was closed, Karma reached out and grabbed Amy's hand, pulling her down to sit next to her.

She ignored the way their proximity suddenly caused her body to heat up, focusing on the other girl's smile. She was going to get answers as to why it was there in the first place, even if she had to wheedle it out of her – not that she would have to.

"So…"

"So…?"

"What's going on?"

"I…uh…you see, I…um…"

"Ames, just spit it out already," she said with a bemused smile. _What was going on, already?_ "I won't judge."

That only seemed to make Amy hesitate more, however. She knew that something had been bothering her for a few days now and a part of her felt that the way Amy had been behaving, the way even Lauren seemed willing to help with whatever it was that was happening, was related to this, no matter how tangentially that was.

Pulling their still entwined fingers closer to her, Karma turned so that she was facing Amy fully, forcing the other girl to do the same. She had never been the best of liars but when Amy wanted to hide something, really and truly wanted to hide something, even Karma could barely find out what it was.

She needed to see Amy's eyes for this, to see what was hiding beneath the surface that few others ever took the time or felt the inclination to do. There were very few people who could actually do that, if any more than just her, and it was something she prided herself on and did not hesitate to use to her advantage.

"Amy, please?"

Amy was silent for a while, her brow furrowed as she seemed to think. It made her impatience worse but Karma forced herself to wait, to watch as she sorted out everything she wanted to say before she attempted to speak. It had always been like that between them, Amy's words and actions always more thought out than her own. It was why they were perfect for each other, equilibrium in action and all of that.

"I have a date."

She had not been expecting that.

"What?"

"I have a date."

"I know. I understood that part but I didn't think that you had someone you liked." She was faking her own excitement for some reason but she could not stop now. "Who is it? Oliver? Ryan from French? Or is it Kyle from Math? Or one of the guys from the drama club who always say hi whenever we go past their table at the end of lunch?"

"It's not…it's not one of them."

"Oh? Then who is it?"

Part of her did not want to hear the answer, did not want to hear that suddenly Amy had found someone she wanted to be with as much as Karma thought she wanted to be with Liam. However, she needed to be there for her, to at least appear to be as excited as Amy was and, truthfully, another larger part of her was just happy that Amy had finally found someone to be with.

Yet, there was still the problem of finding out whom exactly this mysterious person was. As excited and anxious for this date as Amy seemed, there was still some kind of hesitance in the way she tried to avoid answering her and that bothered Karma.

"Karma…"

"Come on! We've been best friends for years, haven't we? You know that I won't judge you even if this guy has a lot of weird piercings and a peace sign covering his back."

Amy blushed, looking down at her hands as she said, "It's not a guy."

"It's not?"

She shook her head.

"I…she…we…um, we met today."

"And you're going on a date with her tonight."

It was not a question. As much as she wanted Amy to deny it, to laugh it off and just spend the night with her, she could see that this was truly happening and, for some reason, it hurt. She did not want to think about why, opting instead to simply accept this for now.

"So, what's she like?"

* * *

Lying in her bed, she was unable to fool herself into thinking that this was not something other than a familiar protectiveness she felt for Amy. Part of her wanted to scream, to deny it until she could no longer make a sound, but she could not. She knew better, knew that this was more than she could handle.

She burrowed deeper under her covers, as if doing so would hide her from the world at large and she could pretend that nothing was wrong with anything. It was a habit from when she was younger, from when they were younger, and Karma had yet to break out of it, her body still reacting to even the idea of Amy's presence, a need to protect, to comfort, coming over her.

She had always felt like this but now, somehow, it felt like more, felt like something that was not just her trying to make sure that her best friend was okay. It was as if Amy was moving past her and all she wanted was to be able to get back to her side, to stay with her and, at the very least, be able to hold her hand through whatever it was that she was going through.

All she really wanted was to be there for Amy. She had not even known that she liked girls, much less that she had found someone, but it hurt to know that she had chosen to tell Lauren first. Everything was changing and Karma did not know how to keep up, how to stay afloat in this strange new world that Amy seemed to thrive in so easily.

Even their newfound popularity was starting to overwhelm her while Amy seemed to take it all in stride. It was odd, weird considering that the girl never really liked to interact with people she did not have to, but she was happy for Amy. There were things that Karma could not understand, could not help her with, and the more friends that Amy had, the more likely she was to have someone who could be that for her.

It was only that, she wanted to be there too, to see the way Amy was going to blossom and shine like she knew she would. She wanted…she did not know what she wanted, only that Amy was part of it.


	3. A Little Bit of Fun

**Title:** The Power to Break

**Chapter:** 1

**Characters/Pairings:** Karma Ashcroft, Amy Raudenfeld, Lauren Cooper, Shane Harvey, Jasmine, Felicity Strait; Karmy, Amy/OC, mentions of Kiam and other ships.

**Word Count:** 2,019

**Spoilers:** References up to "Remember the Croquembouche".

**Summary:** Karma has the power to break her, but she never would have thought that she would be the one to break her best friend.

**A/N:** A little light-hearted fun before the finale. Cross-posted on (conventgirlvampire) and AO3 (Dark_Writer).

**See prologue for prompt.**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own _Faking It_. All rights belong to MTV and Carter Covington. The only thing that belongs to me is the character Felicity Strait.

* * *

**Chapter Two**

**A Little Bit of Fun**

They had not started the night like this, but being under Felicity, feeling her body pressed against hers as they kissed, Amy could not find it in herself to object. Briefly when they started, she wondered if this was what being under Karma would have been like, what being with her would be like, but that thought disappeared almost as soon as she had felt Felicity's tongue enter her mouth.

The night itself had been great, the food good and the movie not a disaster. However, she could not deny that she had been waiting for this moment, had been wanting to taste Felicity's lips ever since they had met up for their date.

It was a new feeling, wanting her like this. She had not even been aware that she could feel this way about other people and yet, she felt herself wanting more, wanting to explore and to play like she never really allowed herself to. It helped that Felicity was eager to do so herself, matching Amy move for move as they made out.

"God, you're good at this."

She grinned at the girl, her hands playing with heated skin at the base of her shirt.

"I'm not complaining her either. You're kind of good at it yourself."

Felicity laughed at that, Amy joining her when she could no longer hold back her own amusement. Rolling off of the girl only to crash onto the floor, her laughter turned into a groan of mixed pain and embarrassment.

"Sorry," she smiled sheepishly as she sat up against the couch. "I'm such a dork."

"Nope. You're kind of fun, actually."

"Kind of? I'll have you know, I am the epitome of fun. I'm so fun that…that…I'm so fun that they call me the Fun Master."

That set Felicity off again and she could not help but wonder how often she could get the girl to laugh like that. It was clear and bell-like, pretty like her in a way that Amy found endearing.

"So, Fun Master, what's next?"

She shrugged. "I didn't really have much else planned after the movie, really. I've never actually…you know."

Felicity's eyes widened and a smile crept up her face slowly as she ran a hand through Amy's hair. It felt nice, soothing, and she found her eyes sliding shut for a moment.

"You're a baby."

"What?"

"Baby, as in a baby dyke. It's adorable."

Amy smiled, looking down so that she would not have to meet her eyes. She was enjoying herself but she did not want Felicity to see it quite just yet. A part of her was enjoying this too much to stop the game they were playing so soon.

"Well," she said, moving as if to get up, "if I'm just adorable I guess there's really no point in being here."

"Right," Felicity muttered, grabbing her hand and pulling her down. "I'm not gonna fall for that. Now come on, let's watch another movie."

* * *

By the time she got back home, it was way past ten and she had resorted to trying to sneak in as quietly as possible. Unfortunately, she had not counted on anyone being awake so, when the light came on, she stopped where she was, surprised.

It was only Lauren but there was something about the way that she was smirking that set Amy on edge. She had not felt this way around the other girl for some time but she still remembered how much she hated the feeling.

"You're late."

"I know. We lost track of time. Did you have trouble with Mom?"

"No but she did say to tell you that when you got back, you were going to be grounded for the week. Oh, and you so owe me another two weeks."

She nodded and headed up to her room, a smile still playing on her lips. They had not really done that much besides fooling around on Felicity's couch and watching movies but she had enjoyed it so much that she had not noticed the time flying past them. As far as first dates went, she was pretty happy.

The only thing that could diminish that was thoughts of Karma and she had, surprisingly, had very few of those. It did not bother her the way she thought it would have either. Rather, she was more bothered by the fact that she was only just noticing this, not accustomed to not having to factor Karma into something she was doing with others. She would get used to it eventually but, right now, it was just strange.

"You know, you could at least pretend like you're so excited you can't hold it in."

She glanced up from where she was searching for a t-shirt to sleep in, her smile turning into a smirk.

"And you could pretend you can stand Shane for more than a few minutes but hey, we can't get everything we want."

"Hey, it's not my fault you have half-assed taste in friends," Lauren muttered, coming further into the room. "At least Jasmine's okay."

"Uh-huh. You do realise that you don't need to do this, right?"

Lauren shrugged.

"Maybe not, but I want to. It's not like I have anything else going on right now and I might as well get my amusement from your failure to flirt."

"Whatever and for your information, it was amazing."

"That's it? That's all I'm getting?"

"Yeah. I haven't told Karma yet and best friend trumps bitch step-sister to be any day."

Almost as soon as the words were out of her mouth, she had to duck to avoid a pillow flying at her face. Lauren pouted and sent another one her way when she did, this one making contact with Amy's head.

She retaliated by sending it back but missed, Lauren getting up as it sailed past her.

"As fun as this has been, I'm going to bed. See you in the morning, moron."

Amy stuck her tongue out at her but nodded, waiting for her to leave before changing for bed, still smiling.

* * *

"Hey."

"Hey."

"So how was it?"

She slid into the seat next to Karma, stealing a couple of her fries along the way. She had not seen the other girl all morning, too preoccupied with Lauren's new scheme to become popular and ensuring that neither she nor Shane killed each other. Now that both of them were her friends, she was finding herself spending more time keeping them apart than she was spending time with Karma.

She would try not to let it bother her but sometimes she just wanted to go back to the time before they fake dated when it was just the two of them watching Netflix in her bedroom. At least then, she did not have to deal with children.

"How was what?"

"Your date. You were going to tell me how it went this morning before your mom made you hang up."

"Oh, yeah. I sort of got grounded."

"What?"

"Yeah." Amy accepted the cupcake the stoners brought over, confused as to why they were still doing that but not saying anything about it. "This is really good, you know? Anyway, yeah. I was late getting back home so Mom thought she should ground me for it."

Karma rolled her eyes, causing Amy to smile. At least some things never seemed to change.

"Your mom needs to lighten up. It's not like you can get pregnant or anything. So, did you have fun at least?"

She shrugged before grinning. Fun was the understatement of the century but she was not about to tell Karma that just yet. Something held her back from being too happy about the previous night with the other girl, held her back from enjoying the aftermath of it.

Still, Karma needed a verbal answer and Amy found herself opening her mouth to reply, unable to deny her anything. It stung a little to realise just how much time it would take for her to suppress the urge to do that but she still let herself answer anyway.

"It was good. We were good."

"Good? Whoa, hold back the excitement there, Raudenfeld. Anymore energy and we'd be able to power the city."

"Shut up."

"No way. Are you going to see her again?"

She nodded.

"We're supposed to be going somewhere Saturday. Felicity won't tell me where, though, so I can't tell you that much."

Karma nodded and moved to stick her fork into Amy's lunch. She accommodated her, pushing the tray closer while she waved to Lauren, motioning her over to their table. She had just remembered something when she had seen the other girl enter and she wanted to tell her before she forgot.

"What? I have twenty minutes before I need to go pick up whatever's left of Pablo now that Shane's got his sparkly, overly-shiny claws into him."

"As much as I would not like to know, I just needed to remind you that you have to meet Jasmine this afternoon. She called me this morning."

Her smile was anything but innocent as she looked up at Lauren, imagining all the ways that particular encounter between the two could go wrong for her. It was hilarious to see them interact the first time and she was sorry that she could not be there to see it again.

"You're a bitch, you know that?"

"Takes one to know one," she sniped back, full on grinning when Lauren just huffed and walked away.

"I thought you two were getting along? Sure seemed that way last night."

"We are but it's so much fun to screw with her. It keeps us on our toes."

Karma laughed at that, causing Amy to smile. Even if it was still painful to be around Karma, she would not stop herself. They were friends first and what was the point of finding a girlfriend for herself if she could not maintain the one thing that meant the world to her?

* * *

"Hey."

She jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder, turning to mock glare at Felicity. The other girl simply laughed it off and motioned towards the corridor as they walked.

"Didn't take you for an AP student."

"I'm not that bad."

"Yeah, probably, but I don't usually see you around these parts."

"I'm kind of always just on time to class."

"Really? So what's so different about today then?"

"Karma had to go see Liam about something in the art room."

Had she not glanced at Felicity just then, she might have missed the frown that appeared. However, she did see it and found herself rushing to try to undo some of the damage she had inadvertently caused.

"Look, it's not really a big thing, okay?"

"So then why do you seem so angry about it all the time?"

"I just…I don't know. I don't like the way he looks at her, I guess. It's like all he sees is a conquest and Karma deserves better than that. Do you know? She wants her first time to be this special experience with someone who loves her and it's not Liam."

"Is it you?"

Amy spluttered, struggling to come up with an answer. She would readily admit now that she had entertained that particular fantasy but not anymore. She was supposed to be moving on from Karma, supposed to be thinking about herself now.

"No! No, it's not me. I'm not remotely interested in that."

"Your lips are telling me one thing, Amy, but your eyes are saying something else."

She deflated at that, not really sure how to answer. Part of her wanted to admit to the truth but there was another part that did not want to hurt Felicity.

"I…it's complicated," she found herself says. "You only transferred here at the beginning of the semester so you don't know that much about me and Karma but we've been best friends since we were five and I just…I can't get over her that easily."

"I'm not asking you to."

"I know. I just…ugh. I don't want to hurt you."

"Then don't."


	4. The Things She Wants

**Title:** The Power to Break

**Chapter:** 3

**Characters/Pairings:** Karma Ashcroft, Amy Raudenfeld, Lauren Cooper, Shane Harvey, Jasmine, Felicity Strait; Karmy, Amy/OC, mentions of Kiam and other ships.

**Word Count:** 2,532

**Spoilers:** References up to "Remember the Croquembouche".

**Summary:** Karma has the power to break her, but she never would have thought that she would be the one to break her best friend.

**A/N: **Well, then whats up with you people? Life been treating you good?

See prologue for prompt.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own _Faking It_. All rights belong to MTV and Carter Covington. The only thing that belongs to me is the character Felicity Strait.

* * *

**Chapter Three**

**The Things She Wants**

She could not look at them when they were together, could not force herself to focus on the other girl – Felicity, she thought her name was – when Amy was there, smiling so brightly and shining in a way she had never thought she would see her smile again. She could not really bring herself to see her like that, so happy with someone who was not her.

She did not know when it had started, this feeling, but she did know that she had recognised it for what it was only the day before when she had seen them walking to class. Still, she refused to acknowledge it, to give it a name and make it real.

She just wanted Amy to be happy, to let loose in a way that she never did when they were in public. She wanted her to find someone to be as happy with as she was with Liam, feeling guilty for wanting to hold the other girl to herself.

She should not have felt that way, should not want to ruin such a good thing for Amy but Karma was nothing if not selfish. She knew that about herself, had even accepted it so long ago when she first realised it. She had just never realised the extent to which she could be selfish with Amy.

As she walked into the art room, she dismissed it as nothing more than not wanting to spend less time with her best friend. It was inevitable, though, that it would happen, that they would drift apart once they started dating. She had known this from the start and the only problem now was accepting that.

Besides, she had Liam. She had Liam who was hot and caring and sensitive and everything Karma had imagined him to be and more. She did not really need anything else when she had him, did not need anyone else.

"You alright?"

She managed a smile as the boy in question broke into her thoughts, mirroring the one he was giving to her. He was the one she wanted, no one else.

* * *

"Have you found out anything else about Saturday yet?"

She did not really want to know, hoping that Amy would redirect the conversation, but she had to ask anyway. She spoke so much about Liam that she could not help but try to even things out between them, no matter how much she did not want to.

Amy shook her head and Karma sighed in relief, praying that Amy did not notice. She did not want her to think that she was not happy for her, but the part that wanted to keep her was growing bigger every day.

She was not sure how long she could keep this up, how long she could pretend that everything was okay. Even as they sat there, talking for what seemed like hours, though it was only a few minutes, she found herself forcing her body to stay in one place, forcing herself to listen as Amy talked about Felicity.

"You okay? You're zoning out on me, Ashcroft."

She smiled at Amy, not wanting to seem like anything was amiss. She did not want her concern, did not want her to think that she had to take care of her when there were so many other important things going on at the moment.

She hid behind a smile, glittering like she always practised in the morning and guileless like she had trained herself to be. Had it been any other time, Amy might have seen through it, might have been able to see the flaws that only she could see, but at the moment, she was distracted as she talked about Felicity.

It was the only time Karma could be grateful for the other girl's hold on her best friend. She did not want Amy to see it, did not want her to suspect that something was wrong and decide to fix it. She wanted…she could not say what she wanted but she did not want to hold her back, not anymore.

* * *

Liam was perfect, he was everything and everywhere all at once and yet, she could not seem to get into it with him that night. She was too distracted, too put off by the past week and nothing he did or said seemed to work as distraction enough for her.

Her mind was too focused on her best friend, too focused on what she could be doing or saying right now with someone who was not her. She knew it was not fair to him, knew that he had given up as much of himself to her as she had for him (and yes, there was a difference, oh how she was all too aware of it), but she could not help herself.

She wanted to escape from this, to run far from him so that she could go to her. She wanted to just spend the night with Amy but she knew that she could not. They were older now, older and wiser in ways that they had not been before and she needed to respect that, needed to be more understanding of everything that was happening now and in the future.

She should have been, should have cared, but she did not and so she could not find it in herself to enjoy the date she was on. Liam may have noticed but he never mentioned it and she allowed him to steer the course as she moved on autopilot, her mind conjuring up a different time, a different place.

It was only when she felt his lips on hers, his hands on her waist and moving towards her back, that she woke up, that she realised when and where she really was. The shock of suddenly being pulled back to reality was nothing, though, not when compared to the disappointment she should not be feeling that seemed to close in on her, threatening to crush her under its weight.

She did not push him away though, did not want him to question her just then. Liam would never understand, could never understand and that alone was reason enough to hide her secrets from him. However, she did not want to hurt him either, did not want him to think that he was not enough for her.

She had already fought so hard for him in the past, had already destroyed so much. She did not need to add to that, not now and not here when so much depended on how well she could persuade him that she was simply unwell and not at all feigning her interest in him.

She was not feigning anything anyway. She was just distracted, that was all. Amy had someone new now and that was enough to distract anyone.

As she bid him goodnight and made her way upstairs, she could not help but dwell on just how distracting Amy and Felicity were. They were gorgeous together, two people seemingly made for each other and yet, Karma could not help but feel some kind of resentment toward the other girl. She did not know Amy the way she did, did not know what made her who she was or what she was capable of.

She was the one who knew that, who knew Amy better than she knew herself. It was something she had always prided herself on but it seemed that she did not know her as well as she had thought. Had that not been the case, would she not have seen this, have been able to prepare herself for the day Amy would leave her for another girl?

She shook her head, scolding herself for thinking like that. She was dating Liam, not Amy. Besides, she was able to comfort herself with the thought that Amy had only just met the other girl. She would not jump into anything so fast, so soon, right?

* * *

Lauren glared at her from across the table while Jasmine – at least, she thought that was her name – looked on in amusement but Karma ignored them, too focused on where Amy and Felicity were laughing as they ate and talked. She had only heard that they were meeting up when Amy had mentioned it offhandedly at lunch and she could not help herself.

She needed to see them together, to watch them and convince herself that everything was okay. She told herself that it was because she wanted to protect Amy, to make sure for herself that Felicity meant no harm. That she had pulled Lauren and her new friend into the fray meant nothing to Karma when Amy's wellbeing was what was at stake here. At least she cared that much.

"Any more obvious and you might as well invite them over, you know."

"Shut up Lauren! What if they hear us?" She did not move her gaze but she did make what she thought was a silencing motion in Lauren's general direction. "What if she hears us?"

She did not have to see her to know that Lauren was rolling her eyes. It was the general response she was met with whenever she spoke but she did not care at the moment. Amy and Felicity were getting up and she did not want to lose them.

Only, her companions seemed to have a different idea. Jasmine pulled her down almost as soon as she stood up causing Karma to round on her with a glare.

"What do you think you're doing? If we don't follow them now, we'll lose them!"

"Like that'll happen."

"Chill," the girl said to Lauren before turning back to her, "and you need to calm down, dude. I know Felicity and she's not going to do anything that Amy doesn't want."

"But-"

"No," Lauren cut her off, "and stop being so pathetic. So Amy's seeing someone now. Boo fucking hoo. It's not the end of the world and frankly? It doesn't matter anyway because you're dating Liam Booker. Shouldn't you be off making bad decisions and unwanted children?"

"Fuck you, Lauren."

She stood up but she did not chase after Amy. They were right about one thing and it was that Karma needed to let go of her now. As hard as it was, she had to try. Amy was her best friend, sure, but what claim did she really have on her?

She did not know what she was doing or why, but she needed to stop. It was far from attractive and if there was something Karma was going to excel at, it was being noticed for something other than her obsessive tendencies.

* * *

That night, her phone remained silent. She did not expect it to ring, not after what she had forced herself to bear witness to that afternoon, but she could not help but feel disappointed.

She wanted to – no, needed to hear from Amy, to have Amy reassure her that nothing had changed between them. She did not want to lose her, to lose their friendship to something she could not compete with, someone she could not compete with.

She did not think about anything else, could not think about anything else in such a state. All she wanted was to be sure, to be absolutely sure. She could not just let this go, could not let them go without a fight.

Was it even a fight?

She did not know anymore, could not say without knowing herself where they stood. Only, did she know where they stood anymore? Ever since they started faking being lesbians, things had changed. It was not noticeable on the surface and even she had taken some time to figure it out but lately, with the entrance of Felicity into the equation, she could not help but wonder what exactly was going on between them.

"Karma, honey, you alright?"

She looked up as her mother entered the room, feeling the first sting of tears before she knew they were falling. Wiping them away, she shook her head.

"What is it?" her mother asked as she came over and held her. "Where does it hurt?"

"I don't know," she began to say and the pain spilled out as she told her mother haltingly about Amy and Felicity. She left out everything about what she was feeling but, then again, her mother seemed to instinctively know.

She cried and cried into her arms, not wanting to leave their safety for once. It was too much and too scary and she did not know how to handle it all.

She just wanted to stay there, to stay in that moment when she knew she was safe, and not have to get hurt again. Seeing Amy and Felicity, it was too much for her and she was not sure she could make herself forget about them, about the funny feeling she always got when she saw them.

Her mother was patient with her throughout her rambling speech, never interrupting and just there but it was not enough. What she needed was Amy but she was not sure that she would be welcomed just then, not when she might be disturbing something that could potentially make her happy.

Besides, she knew that she could not tell Amy any of this, not now when she did not even know what this was. She could not tell her, could not risk scaring her away when everything was finally falling into place for both of them.

"You know, your brother never really had to deal with this." She sat up and stared at her mother, wiping away a few stubborn tears. "The both of you are so different and yet, you're still the same when it comes to heartbreak."

"I don't understand."

Her mother sighed. "You need to take some time away from Amy, dear. Think about what you want and what you need and then talk to her about it. You're so young and you think you're invincible but then you get your heartbroken and you find out that you're fragile after all."

A hand came up to cup her cheek and she leaned into it, holding on to her mother's warmth desperately.

"Everything will work out as it's meant to work out, Karma, and if you really were meant to remain friends with Amy, you will. I don't see how you can't. You did break up and manage to stay together in a lot of ways."

"That's different, Mom."

"Maybe it is and maybe it isn't but I do know that that girl loves you with all her heart and you love her. Whatever it is that's really the root of all of this? You'll get through this."

She got up and kissed Karma's forehead before leaving her alone to her thoughts. Her mother did not know, would never know what she had done, the illusion and the act still so perfect and yet she could not help but want to believe her. She could not help but want to think that they would survive this even as her heart trembled at the possibility of that just not happening.

She just wanted everything to be okay again.


End file.
